Paul Jervin Ladesma 
“I wouldn’t be here without you.”
Once we reach the top, wouldn’t it be nice to say these words to the people that mattered? Wouldn’t it be nice to hear this from the people you helped as well?
Of course, it is! But the eagerness to receive this relay of appreciation taints the sole essence of gratitude, which is sincerity.
It starts from the roots
The Filipino populace is composed of relational people. Concepts such as “utang na loob” and “pakikisama” are taught in our households from a young age, to better enforce and maintain this values throughout our lives. Ever since, we were told that these were done as acts of respect, especially to our elders.
But over the years, the recent generations have slowly come to realize that these values that we once saw as righteous, can be, and is currently being utilized by manipulative people to get others to do their bidding. Power trips thrive and propagate as people are being gaslit into thinking it is their duty to repay the kindness they were given.
Trim the branches
Take a look at the situation of two-time olympic gold medalist, Carlos Edriel Yulo, and his mother, Angelica Poquiz Yulo. Their strained relationship is surfacing the online world as the latter has vocally been unsupportive of his son, even making snarky remarks through shared posts amidst his Olympic win. Now, Carlos is disowned by his own mother, all because he has financially cut ties with her.
But who wouldn’t? Way back 2019, the mother bought a house using the money he had won from competitions behind his back. The money that was supposed to be allotted for his training. After the estrangement she has been seen online sharing posts showing her support for his competitors, and excluding him from posts regarding family.
The fruit of labor
Their premise perfectly reflects the fact that this kind of dynamic has been around filipino households for the longest time now. “Utang na loob” has been used over and over again to financially abuse relatives with any sort of income. And yet, nobody had the courage to point out this hot potato because they would have been ostracized for being disrespectful or ungrateful.
Sadly, most Filipinos value their families so much that they turn a blind eye to this abuse. So many people are left struggling to barely keep themselves afloat while giving financial support to their families.
What we collectively need to realize is that gratitude doesn’t just come in monetary values. The simplest form of gratitude comes from not letting their efforts go to waste. Who are we to demand how people repay our kindness with? Who are we to demand anything at all?
The only thing we owe others is authenticity. Would it not feel better if people gave us appreciation sincerely instead of guilt tripping them? “Utang na loob” comes from a place of respect, not of fear. Always remember that kindness with intention is manipulation, and demanded gratitude is compliance.
“I wouldn’t be here without you.” If you matter to them, these words would be enough.
